bringing you the NEWS you NEED to KNOW
Politics
No expense spared:
Press make no allowances after receipt of MPs’ claims
As Daily Telegraph circulation soars, journalists from newspapers throughout the UK have spent nearly a fortnight leaping into first-class trains to report on the perfidity of our parliamentary representatives from every luxury hotel in Westminster.
news briefs
- Passengers pissing themselves after RyanAir announce plans to charge for toilet use
- Handbag thief ‘would not pirate a movie’: concedes that he would steal a car, kill a dog, rape a pensioner
- Pound falls against dollar whilst dollar falls against pound: mathematical impossibility ‘proves the economy is really screwed’ explain economists
UK
Con-dole-ances: ONS reveals job lot of unemployed
Unemployment figures out this week show a dispiriting climb in the number of UK jobless, with over 2.2 million people now out of work. The headline figure is up 244,000, which is coincidentally the same as the spike in viewers experienced by ITV’s daytime Jeremy Kyle Show.
Science & Technology
Moo-ve over BSE: This is one pig of a disease
In a unique foray into public health, KTAB News has created a brochure about the imminent pandemic threat of swine flu for you to download, print out and keep.
World
World Banking on $1.1 trillion: Brown and Barack’s greenbacks put G20 back in black
World leaders have been queuing up to slap Gordon Brown on the back and hail the conclusion of the G20 summit ‘historic’, for fear that use of any more specific adjectives might let slip the fact no-one has the faintest idea what’s going on.