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Politics
Cutting remarks
Brown spells out C-U-Ts at TUC’s conference
As Gordon Brown finally uttered what the hilarious press are dubbing ‘the c-word’ at a trade union meeting, the Tories and Labour have driven bipartisan politics to a new low this week, transforming the decision between the two former avowed, deep-seated ideological opponents to a choice between ‘cuts’ or ‘nyah, nyah, he said “cuts”! We promised cuts first, he’s a copier!’
news briefs
- Passengers pissing themselves after RyanAir announce plans to charge for toilet use
- Handbag thief ‘would not pirate a movie’: concedes that he would steal a car, kill a dog, rape a pensioner
- Pound falls against dollar whilst dollar falls against pound: mathematical impossibility ‘proves the economy is really screwed’ explain economists
Science & Technology
Terror forming: Geoengineering climate solutions ‘of cirrus concern’
The solution to the problems caused by mankind dicking about with the climate is to dick about with the climate some more, according to media coverage of a report by the Royal Society. So-called ‘geoengineering’ techniques range from sending a fleet of fire trucks to the Sun, to ignoring the problem and hoping it goes away.
UK
Bomber’s away: Lockerbie Libyan let off Scot free
Gordon Brown has this week spoken of being ‘repulsed’ by Libya’s welcome of released Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi. ‘It was disgusting. Those blasted Libyans have never given me a “hero’s welcome” with Scottish flags,’ he grumbled, ‘And I’ve never had a hug from Colonel Gadaffi.’
Science & Technology
File-staring: Peer to peer at peer-to-peer pirates
After lunch on a luxury yacht with film producer and anti-piracy bore David Geffen, Peter ‘Lord’ Mandelson has rewritten government policy, suggesting that those who share files on the Internet be cut off from it. ‘Illegal filesharing is costing the creative industries literally tens of pounds a day,’ Lord Mandelson explained, ‘Whereas posturing about cleaning it up is making me a packet.’
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