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Down In One

Councillor quits after shopping scandal

Liberal Democrat bird logo

The Liberal Democrats have also been in the news this week

Market Pickton’s Lib Dem council leader Marvin Wilcox was forced to step down after a weekend of ‘reflection’ and ‘back-stabbing’ after publicly admitting to a shopping problem. His stepping down was accompanied by his deciding not to run in a leadership contest which he had called earlier in the week upon admitting the purchasing addiction.

“I have not shopped for over two weeks,” explained Wilcox, standing on a shiny, new-looking podium which hadn’t been there the day before, “and am seeking professional guidance.”

In the aftermath of the statement, no councillors put their names forward for the contest. Roger Bighouse OBE (whose name is pronounced Ringis Bighouse), tipped by many to be a leadership candidate, told KTAB News that “I didn’t want to stand against Marvin. I thought it would divide the council. And also that I might lose.”

Bighouse, a veteran councillor, who won the 100m sprint at Market Pickton Sports Day in 1968, is considered by those councillors he bought pints for last week as the natural successor to Mr Wilcox, even though they previously described him as “a slimy toad of a man.”

However, it was only two days after his initial statement that Wilcox, standing on yet another podium in a just-off-the-peg suit with a 30” plasma TV stuffed in his bulging new rucksack, popped the iPod headphones from his ears and told the amassed reporter from the local Market Pickton Advertiser that he was stepping down with immediate effect.

After his resignation, Wilcox was described, mostly by other potential leadership candidates, as a fine leader, having taken over as the leader of the council from his predecessor Francis Bargle in 1997, and then being credited early last year with producing the most interest in a council election for more than 80 years, with voter turn-out at an astonishing 5%.

None more than Roger Bighouse OBE, who told KTAB News why he’d now decided to stand after all.

“Basically,” Bighouse smirked “I’m getting quite old, and I wanted a shot at running the council before I have to retire. And, frankly, all that stuff about ‘boosting voter turnout’ and ‘cutting down to only one spending spree a week’ is just rubbish. I mean, who do you want in charge, here? A man who can get the votes in, or me, with my medal from sports day and my shiny OBE?”

 

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