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Religious Right

Government Wrong

A cartoon Muhammad wearing a turban-concealed bomb from Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten

Extremist Muslims claim that a bomb and a beard are a better defence against hatred than any legislation

The Prime Minister was left humiliated last night after his Government was defeated by Tony Blair, MP for Sedgefield, who’d snuck out of the House of Commons to write “Gordon Brown is gay” on the toilet walls.

The vote, on the second of two amendments to the religious hatred bill promised on Labour’s manifesto, was lost by 282 to 283 votes, resulting in Blair’s absence being not just notable, but quite funny.

The amendments mean that in order to be prosecuted under the new laws you actually have to intend to incite religious hatred, rather than simply poking fun, teasing the Amish kid, or making an off-the-cuff remark which spawns a jihad.

“Fatwa is only two syllables. It’s an easy mistake to make!” Muslim cleric Rohail al-Bighouse told KTAB News, “It’s especially easy if you’re attending the local Church of England goodwill coffee morning, and your mouth’s full of WI carrot cake.”

The Government has attempted to portray the bill as essential to combating terrorism, but many people pointed out that we never needed it for the IRA, because terrorists tend not to care what religion a person has, preferring to use criteria like “Are they decadent Western capitalist scum?”, or “Do they have an easily-infiltrated public transport network?”

Government spin-doctor Francis Bargle defended Tony Blair’s absence from the crucial vote. “Basically,” Bargle explained, “We cocked up and said it was OK for him to nip off as long as he was back in time for the triumphant press conference. In retrospect, perhaps we shouldn’t have relied on the Tories to vote the same way Labour did, but they certainly seem to be doing under this new Cameron chap.”

Bargle is defiant that this bout of defeats will not inhibit Blair’s ability to pass other manifesto-promised reforms, such as his forthcoming education bill. “That Cameron will vote with us this time. He said that he would, with the caveat that we change the bill so that it’s almost entirely Tory. We think that coupled with Tony turning up, and we could be on to a winner!”

 

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