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Iron Curtains
End in sight for Putin's Russia
Voters are sure that Medvedev has done something with his hair since winning the election| photo: Wikipedia
Following his unexpected win in last week’s Russian Presidential elections, the mysterious victor Dmitry Medvedev has promised radical reform of his country, intending to act in stark contrast to his predecessor, Vladimir Putin.
International electoral monitors were delighted with the result, which they declared to be ‘a vindication of the will of an empowered people.’ ‘Instead of just handing power over to one of his KGB cronies,’ election monitor Francis Bargle told KTAB News, ‘the Russian people have delivered a clear mandate to Medvedev, which is certainly one in the eye for his bitter electoral rivals “Vladamir Nitup”, “Check to discount ballot” and “George W. Bush”!’
In fact, Medvedev and Putin had never met before they strode out of the Kremlin to a jubilant victory rock concert. Medvedev’s confident and statesmanlike victory speech showed that he was in a totally different league to the mumbling Putin, who is now retiring to the thoroughly insignificant post of Prime Minister.
‘It is clear to me,’ explained Russian political commentator Rogvold Bighousovitch, ‘That Medvedev would have emerged the victor even had Putin changed the constitution to allow him to run for a third term.’
Now he looks set to take over the reins of power, Medvedev has announced sweeping changes in the Russian Federation. Speaking to a parade in Red Square yesterday he proposed ‘abolishing the wishy-washy liberal politics of my predecessor,’ in favour of a policy of ‘Steady development and expansion to secure buffer states in Eastern Europe.’
Medvedev’s new take on Russian politics is delighting capitalists throughout the world. We spoke to one, the Texan Kalashnikov magnate Roger ‘Chuck’ Bighouse, to ask him what he thought.
‘This is superb news!’ he jubilantly declared ‘I was gettin’ sick an’ tired of all this appeasement over in the Ukraine. Cut the gas off and go in under cover of darkness, that’s the way to do it!’
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