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Darling denies downturn

End of the crashless economy?

Alistair Darling, Chancellor of the Exchequer

’Look after the pennies and…hang on, where did we put the pennies?’ |photograph: Wikipedia

Chancellor Alistair Darling has attempted to reassure the public that in spite of the woes facing global financial markets, things are still looking up for the UK economy, predicting ‘massive growth in the repossession and bankruptcy sector.’

Everyone apart from the government seems a little more concerned, however. Economist Dr Francis Bargle spoke to KTAB News: ‘The slowdown is already visible in the housing market, which would see the values of some houses, especially those near the proposed third runway at Heathrow, plummet.’

However, Bargle was quick to allay public concerns: ‘Although we are going through an economic downturn we are not in a situation where we have our backs to the wall. At the end of the day, this tightening our financial belts, as it were, is more of a moving of goalposts than a case of small leaks sinking great ships. In the final analysis, we must keep our eyes on the ball, but we mustn’t let too many foxes guard the chicken broth.’

Roger Bighouse, CEO of Bighouse Electronics who manufacture a variety of white goods, explained how the multiplier effect will see a downturn in consumer spending ripple through to other sectors of the economy: ‘Lack of consumer confidence means that people are less concerned with having the “latest gadget”, and “keeping up with the Jonses” than they are with paying off their five credit cards. It forces people to learn to be happy with their lot. If we’re not careful, that could lead to the collapse of the entire economy; I can’t really keep people employed manufacturing slightly more curvy microwaves, if everyone is being recklessly content with what they have!’


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