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All fired up

Iranian missiles not a hit with Israel

‘Four’ Iranian missiles streak into the desert sky

Spot the ball

photograph: Sepah News, media arm of the Iranian Revolutionary Guards

Consternation has gripped the Middle East after Iran tested a new range of ballistic missiles. The weapons’ reported range is 1,242 miles, or approximately half a Middle East—‘Which is pretty handy if you’re in the middle, eh?!’ joked Iranian general General Bighouse, scratching his trigger finger.

Israel’s sabre-rattling response to the deadly long-range missile test was to showcase its spy planes which can watch whilst Iran launches the missiles, follow their trajectory, and warn the guys back in Jerusalem that now might be the time to fire some of those nuclear weapons they don’t have.

‘We’re going for a “shock and awe” strategy which, like so much of our military, is modelled after the dear United States,’ explained Israeli general Mohammed Wilcox, ‘Everyone was pretty shocked that our comeback to Iran’s ballistic missiles was something so weedy as a reconnaissance aircraft. We’re hoping America might bring along some awe next time they’re in the Middle East.’

However, some analysts suggest that Israel doesn’t have much to be scared of, accusing the Iranians of Photoshopping images of the missile launch, placing huge, billowing clouds of duplicated smoke over a missile which failed to fire.

Visible in the faked smoke if you look closely is a shape a bit like a weeping Virgin Mary, a picture of George Bush sitting on the toilet, and a portrait of a laughing prophet Muhammad. A fourth missile seen in the photos released to the press has also been cut-and-pasted in after the event, and, according to one anonymous resident of Tehran ‘They made it look a lot bigger than it really is, too.’

Especially enraged over the Iranian endeavours is American diplomat Francis T. Bargle, who has personally issued a statement to the Iranian top brass, threatening them with a stern shock-and-aweing to if Iran does not immediately ship all of the new missiles into Iraq, and hand them over to the US military so America can sell them to the Saudis.


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