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Taking a pounding

‘Tortured’ economy failed by government

A stockbroker’s computer screen

Suddenly that widescreen monitor to watch stock prices doesn’t look like such a good investment

image: Statto/Wikipedia

An outraged public has demanded to know why so-called experts ignored all the warning signs that money moguls were unfit to care for a vulnerable and fragile market.

It has emerged that financiers visited the economy as long ago as April 2007, but ignored fears of a pending credit crunch on the grounds that they were ‘depressing. And tedious’.

In a media trial instigated by George Osborne for the prosecution, Gordon Brown’s borrow-and-spend record was put in the dock. Osborne presented a depressing tale of tax cuts and a bare cupboard leading to a spiralling currency and pricey imports. Real images of the economic crisis were deemed too distressing for the public, and so computer-generated images of the recession were presented instead.

Roger Bighouse, a Tory Spokesman, defended Osborne’s scathing remarks about a potential ‘rush on the pound’: ‘I think the last few months have proved that investors are level-headed, sage individuals who will not act based on rumour and hearsay from politicians. And besides, he’s right: there’s bound to be a run on the pound, especially now he’s said that!’

For the defence, Labour have claimed that Gordon Brown handled the economy according to ‘procedures’, and has been too busy commenting on the Brand–Ross scandal and getting riled up by awkward Prime Minister’s Questions about dead babies to monitor every last detail.

The public seem dissatisfied with the official response to the crisis. Marvin Wilcox, a social worker who recently lost his job in Haringey told reporters ‘Because of their short-sightedness, their stupidity, and their unwillingness to listen to the warnings they were given, these stupid economists have made it much harder for me to find another job.’

The crisis continues.


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