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Blade hit-and-runner

Aliens ate my turbine

wind farm at Caen, Normandy, France

These wind turbines were not hit by flying saucers because flying saucers do not exist

photograph: Wikimedia Commons

The national press, UFO experts and other idiots have got themselves terribly worked up about an engineering fault in a wind turbine blade in Lincolnshire last Sunday.

One turbine on a small wind farm near Conisholme lost a blade and bent another in a mysterious incident on one of the coldest, most structurally challenging nights this year.

‘Until we have some idea, some plausible explanation that it was not a UFO, I don’t think we should rule it out,’ Dale Vince, founder of EcoTricity told a drooling press.

‘Could it have been caused by metal fatigue due to the extremely cold weather conditions at the moment?’, KTAB asked.

‘Until we have some idea, some plausible explanation that it was not the cold, I don’t think we should rule it out.’

‘Do EcoTricity just peddle feeble wind turbines?’

‘Until we have some idea, some plausible explanation that our engineers are not a bunch of idiots and out PR team aren’t intent on milking mindless publicity from the incident because a bunch of local conspiracy nuts can’t tell a firework from an intergalactic spacecraft, we should not rule that other, either.’

However, one of the better theories is that a block of ice from a plane, illegally jettisoned over land from the on-board loos, may have hit the turbine and caused the damage. ‘This is faintly plausible,’ explained accident investigator Claire Timkins, ‘because the block of wee could have simply melted and trickled away, leaving no evidence. On the other hand, the only discernible aroma in the area was a strong smell of UFOlogist bullshit, which makes this explanation seem unlikely.’

‘Until we have some idea, some plausible explanation, I don’t think we should rule out that it could have been a block of frozen alien wee from space,’ Mr Vince piped up, adding ‘Hey, maybe aliens piss ice!’

MoD spokesman Marvin Wilcox sighed wearily and walked away.

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