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‘Here comes the new boss...’

By Bernard, the Editor

2005 Presidential Inauguration

An inauguration is a once-in-a-lifetime experience

Eight years ago I wrote the following sentence, and I have saved it all this time just so I could copy–paste it into an article as I have today! Hooray!

Ahem:

The former President of the United States, George W. Bush today handed over his authority to anyone else at all, please God, I don’t give a damn who it is, just not that wazzock! I’ll sodding well sing hymns, and everything!

Yes, today history was made as Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States, a man destined to go down in history as ‘The First Black President of the United States, who may’ve done some other stuff during his term in office but who is mainly famous because he was The First Black President of the United States.’

If it may seem like a pity that Obama seems likely to be remembered solely because he’s black, it is perhaps a consolation that he may also be remembered as a massive disappointment. That is far from his fault: he is faced with a grim task. There is much for Obama to cope with, yet every commentator in the world believes him to be Superman. The only thing harder for Obama to rectify than two far-away wars he didn’t even start, is to meet the expectations placed upon him by the World and its frenzy-whipping journo-hacks. Have we misoverestimated this President?

And what about the ailing economy? As children’s favourite Bob the Banker might say, ‘Can he fix it? Oooh, ’s gonna cost yer.’ Obama’s New-Deal-esque stimulus package could set his administration back £600bn. (And it was only £500bn this morning, bloody exchange rate! I bet he’s glad he’s not taking over our bloody economy.)

But let us not dwell on the misery of future pitfalls! Let us instead rejoice in the start of a new era free from all the pitfalls and failures of the frankly pathetic past!

George W. Bush, the former President of the United States has finally been removed from office. Regardless of the place his successor may fill in the history books, Bush is likely to be remembered for his ‘Bushisms,’ his crazy theory that the way to make America popular was to really piss everyone off, and his surprising talent—alas! discovered all too late!—for ducking the shoes of irate journalists.

(Incidentally, I threw one of my shoes at the Sports Editor, last week. He chucked it out of the window, the mean sod. I had to hop all the way home in the rain. And Mrs. Bernard refused to drive me to the shops to get another one...)

But, for all his failings, George Bush may, possibly, have meant well, and someone, somewhere, will probably miss him now he’s gone. [Amy, I copied this line out of the KTAB obituary file; I need to dash for my bus. Throw in something faintly plausible, will you? Ta, Bernard.]

The 43rd President has left the building, the 44th has just arrived. Is now a time for change? It had better be—Obama says he has bold plans to solve the financial crisis. And I’ve got a tenner on Ladbrokes that says he introduces new legislation, so if he doesn’t I’ll have the repo man after my new bleedin’ shoes.

Love, change, and kisses,

Bernard, the Editor.

 

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