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Striking accord

Copy-wildcat strikes spread in Total war

Mass walk-outs peaked on Monday when schoolteachers, schoolchildren and anyone who commuted by London bus or Tube stayed off work, none of them in support of protests over foreign labour which started at Lindsey oil refinery last week.

Energy workers are angry that three hundred British jobs might be stolen by filthy foreigners, neglecting the several hundred thousand jobs (and counting) that have already been pilfered by the filthy economic crisis. Thousands of workers from Drax to Sellafield have walked out, prompting Gordon Brown, in a rare display of balls, to ineffectually slam the action as ‘indefensible’.

Further anger was stoked amongst picketers when it was suggested that professional strikers from French company Rentez-un-crowde could be used to bolster numbers, under free movement of non-workers legislation.

A Portuguese worker shouted at the protestors to get some perspective, but they didn’t understand, because he was speaking Portuguese, not grunting like a xenophobic bigot. ‘It’s the only language they understand!!!’ roared union leader Marvin Wilcox, cryptically, elucidating ‘It’s not that I’ve got anything against the Portuguese; I went to Barcelona only last summer.’

French oil company Total, recently pronounced Total to emphasise that they’re not from round these parts, said that the strikes ‘have not interfered with the normal operation of our sites’, unveiling an enormous bionic German bloke who can ‘do the work of eighteen men’. ‘Show me ze strikers,’ said Hans Mechman, ‘And I vill crush zem with mein little finger.’

Union boss Wilcox looked on the bright side: ‘Even if we don’t get a change in the law, at least we’ve got a bit of experience for our CVs to show our appropriateness for our impending full-time unemployment, be it at the hands of the recession or as an inevitable consequence of this walk-out.’

Protestors are advised that the best way to get back at their European counterparts is not to take illegal industrial action to change a sensible law, but to apply for jobs on the continent. ‘It’s a double-whammy if you ask to be paid in Euros!’ explained Department for Innovation, Universities, Skills, Vegetables, Business, Enterprise, Regulatory Reform and Truth spokesperson Claire Timkins, ‘After all, our proud Empire was built on hard graft and self-sacrifice,’ adding quietly, ‘…of foreigners.’

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