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Don’t-be-evil eye

Google getting street worries people in da house

a bloke taking a piss

This is what Google is doing on our civil liberties

Google, everyone’s favourite search engine, webmail, and RSS aggregator, but no-one’s favourite calendar, this week launched its Street View service, amid claims of privacy-mageddon due to a picture of a bloke having a piss reprinted so many times in the national press that the hysterical journalists proved themselves right.

A major concern voiced by all seventeen Daily Mail readers everywhere, is that the service is a ‘burglar’s charter’, proving that the Mail neither understands what a ‘charter’ is nor can it use a possessive apostrophe. ‘These images are up to two years old,’ attested concerned resident Claire Timkins, ‘which means the burglars can see security meaures that weren’t there in the past, travel back in time to before you had double-glazing and a security light, and nick your stuff. I hear Google are working on time travel, to go with their enormous metal tripods with laser guns. What, you didn’t realise that’s what Google Mars is all about? Goo-laaaa!!’

It has also been speculated that the vandals who attacked Fred Goodwin’s palace did so using aerial photographs from Google Earth to plan their route, GMail to exchange plans and even a collaborative Google Document to decide on what projectiles to lob. ‘Our motto is “don’t be evil”,’ explained Google engineer J. Robert Oppenheimer, ‘but, though our products are morally neutral, the human souls of our users are not. I am become death, looker at people vomiting on the street and coming out of sex shops.’

Google have told householders who don’t wish to have their home included in the next survey, scheduled for 2011, that they should either staple an appropriate robots.txt to their front door, or paint a cross on it in lamb’s blood.


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