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World Banking on $1.1 trillion

Brown and Barack’s greenbacks put G20 back in black

protestors outside the Bank of England

‘If I had a million pounds for every anarchist I’ve beaten unconscious with a baton, I’d still have nothing like enough to save the economy,’ explained bobby and amateur financier Marvin Wilcox

photo: Wikipedia

World leaders have been queuing up to slap Gordon Brown on the back and hail the conclusion of the G20 summit as ‘historic’, for fear that use of any more specific adjectives might let slip the fact no-one has the faintest idea what’s going on.

The Group of 20 motorcades came together this week to swap rhetoric and work out just how big a headline number they could get away with parading, eventually settling on $1.1tn, the largest sum of money ever committed to print. Ever.

‘They’re pulling out the big figures, like Barack Obama and 1,100,000,000,000, to draw attention away from the fact that basically they’re pushing policies around their plate without getting stuck into any of the confusing stuff, like the international reserve currency,’ economist Dr Francis Bargle told KTAB.

‘But on the pros side, it’s quite likely that the big economies will stick to their promises on this one—unlike commitments on third-world aid, which the West has been failing to fulfil for years, this money should trickle home in the form of more loans, which is exactly what the World economy needs,’ he said, adding, ‘for the next ten years, at least.’

Barack Obama, the most popular US President ever with a popularity index of 1,100,000,000,001, has bowled over crowds and politicians in his first European visit as the most powerful man in the World. Gordon Brown, flagging in the polls, was especially ecstatic with Obama’s effusive praise. One Obama aide, speaking from the President’s mobile command centre—hovering over Westminster to avoid the congestion charge—told KTAB: ‘Brown needn't be so smug. Hasn't he noticed that Obama is being nice to everyone? He's even congratualted the French on their involvement in Afghanistan!’

Nicolas Sarkozy threatened to walk out of the talks, providing a pantomime villain for the US hero to tame. The fact that he eventually didn’t not only boosted his rep as an international statesman, but also gave a far greater resonance to the eventual consensus.

The biosphere was not represented at the conference, though some journalists did report seeing an elephant in the room. Speaking exclusively to KTAB News, the elephant explained ‘How long do you lot think you can perpetuate the fallacy of infinite growth within a finite ecosystem? You can’t just slip the climate a fiver and tell it not to warm up this year!’


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