bringing you the NEWS you NEED to KNOW
There are some things that are staples of the British summer: the number of exam passes always rises, some speccy little swot with seventeen As at A-level gets passed over for university in favour of party animals other students actually want to share halls with, and the tabloid press run any story they can find for fear people won’t buy newspapers during the month or so where there isn’t any news.
Now look. I know you’re only a young country, but just because you are, in country dog years, a teenager, that’s no excuse to throw a tantrum every time your nanny state tries to knit you some mittens.
I have to confess that I’m slightly confused about Josef Fritzl’s stationery antics. If you’ve been following the case, you will have noticed that he’s in court, and that the press seem incapable of saying anything about it apart from the fact that he’s been covering his face with a blue ring-binder on his walk to court to avoid being photographed. This is obviously news which deserves an equal footing with the murder, imprisonment and 3,000 counts of incestuous rape of which he’s accused.
Eight years ago I wrote the following sentence, and I have saved it all this time just so I could copy-paste it into an article as I have today! Hooray!
Neatly circumventing the embargo on international journalists, KTAB News sent our totally unaccredited work experience girl Amy into war-torn Gaza.
Bernard, the Editor, makes a slap-dash attempt at archiving.