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Monday, 19 May, 2003, 18:41 BST
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Oh Lord!
God Sued by Matrix Writers

God, in a publicity shot
The Almighty Father, the King of Kings, the Light of Life, the Lord of Lords, the Accused
The Wachowski brothers have sued God for copyright infringement after Revelations about his novel ‘The Bible’. “Someone once said that God and Shakespeare had all the good stories,” explained one of the Wachowskis, “But it turns out that it was us and Shakespeare!”

The claim comes after a Priest spotted that large tracts of the Bible, mainly New Testament sections about Jesus, had drawn heavily from ‘The Matrix’, a film about an implausible future for mankind, and its sequel ‘The Matrix Recycled’ which was released on Thursday. “It really is quite astonishing that no-one’s noticed before,” said Rev Francis Bargle, “There’s even a character called ‘Trinity’, a prophecy regarding a man who can bend reality around him, and a large, drawn-out plot about mankind being ruled by a race of superintelligent computers!”

The case centres around allegations that God used his ability to exist in all times simultaneously to copy the film thousands of years before the invention of cinema technology, writing the stolen dialogue and storylines into early editions of The Bible. “It’s a dirty trick,” explained copyright barrister Roger Bighouse, “And one I’ve not before come across in any case previously. It’s all a bit difficult to prove as well, because God has an envelope he claims that he posted to himself in the third century BC, postmarked Egypt, and everything! It’s an elaborate hoax!”

Lawyers for the Wachowski brothers are also investigating a number of other claims about transcendent beings giving knowledge from The Matrix to ancient civilisations – Kung-Fu, along with other martial arts, and several founding principles of Buddhism are believed to have been taken from the film. There is even a division of solicitors investigating more recent history, when The Matrix is thought to have led to the development of firearms, helicopters, computers, cinematography and irritating merchandising.

Despite the huge amount of potential copyright infringement of their latest creation, the Wachowskis remain confident; “Whatever way you look at it, we’ve out-done this God chap,” they said, “He may have sold a billion of his books, but I’ll bet he didn’t make $42.5m on the first day of release!”

God was unavailable for comment, but the Archangel Micheal, Leader of the Hosts of Heaven told Passenger that The Almighty was “losing faith in mankind, just like they are losing faith in Him.”

Passenger also attempted to interview senior members of the Church, but whenever we explained we’d had a message from the Archangel Micheal, all the clergymen we found suddenly became very nervous and declined to comment in case “God finds out we agree with the Wachowski brothers.”

However it would be wrong to assume the legal action has left everyone unhappy. a spokesman for UCI cinemas told Passenger his firm were delighted with the news. “The publicity will make the film a massive hit!” he revealed with glee. “Hopefully the Vatican will try to ban it – we usually double the profits when they pull that one! If we’re lucky we can even get Peter Jackson to say he was the bloke who adapted the story for God; that’d explain why so little of the Bible resembles the film!”

The legal profession is also delighted with the news; Mr Bighouse was last seen cackling like a maniac, ordering six magnums of champagne, and christening the case “Millions from Heaven,” explaining that the case can now be delayed for six years, so he can rack up expenses.


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