Mr Campbell told reporters he would show the truth behind his dossier through his cheery visage

KTAB News has been forced to attack Downing Street and Blairite Spin-Doctor Alistair “Crooked” Campbell after receiving no demands for an apology from the Government.

Campbell has recently made up several news stories, the first lot pointing out that he’d lied over Saddam Hussein’s military capabilities and, more recently, a second lot, when he stormed into a BBC Studio, demanding to be interviewed so the BBC could “apologise for calling him a liar”, even though he probably is.

Mr Campbell’s decision to go to war with the BBC has “shocked and awed” members of the British public, and none more than us here at KTAB News – we first revealed there were no Weapons of Mass Destruction way back in March, and have been forced to contact Downing Street to actively demand the same censorship, abuse and threats being directed towards the BBC, despite the fact that they only cottoned on after Iraq was revealed by Passenger to be a WMD-free zone.

KTAB’s founder, and the well-loved editor of Passenger Bernard, is said to be “outraged” at the snub. “It’s not bloody fair!” he roared into the Central Newsroom earlier today. “We got this story months before the BBC and those buggers in Number 10 haven’t even got the guts to come out into the open and humiliate themselves by trying to censor us!”

Bernard later explained that his main objection is the loss of publicity caused by the lack of controversy. “The BBC are being shown across the world as a decent independent corporation that’s being bullied by an untrustworthy government. What’s KTAB News getting? Nothing! We might as well be some random provincial radio station in Abilene, Texas, producing nothing but radar reports on the weather in Brownwood, rather than controversial reports revealing government corruption!”

When we called at Downing Street for Alistair Campbell, he was unavailable for comment due to a prior engagement – “holding a tantrum on national TV”, apparently – and KTAB were forced to speak to his spokesman, a Mr Tony Blair .

“You’re basically accusing the government at the very highest level, from the Prime Minister, through information officials and down, of lying and misleading parliament. That’s a very serious accusation.” When asked what it mattered if it was a true one, Mr Blair hurriedly explained that he had a tantrum in the House of Commons in about five minutes and “must dash”.

The BBC were also unavailable for comment, though it has emerged that they now plan to sue Mr Campbell for his libellous comments. KTAB are currently investigating starting a similar lawsuit for lack of libel; “I don’t see why he couldn’t have defamed our character a bit!” explained Bernard, “I mean, it’s not like the Beeb need the publicity – we do!”

Taking a lead from Labour’s publicity, Bernard took two different very expensive cars and drove four hundred yards to Television Centre, followed by punching Mr Campbell squarely on the nose and making some promises about the NHS we could blatantly never keep. After this confrontation, KTAB News has emerged with no court case, no publicity and a black eye.