Blair failed another eye-test during protests with the phrase "Enraged voters? What are voters?"

Prime Minister Tony Blair has ridden a five-strong majority to victory in the controversial Top-Up Fees vote in the Commons this evening.

Preliminary analysis of the majority by pundits shows that it comprised a hard-chivvied group of Scottish MPs, a Tory gone even-madder-than-usual and one Labour rebel promised a lollypop.

Despite weeks of hard-fought campaigning by Labour rebels, ordinary students and people with common sense alike, the Labour government managed to convince just enough rogue MPs that their principles were worth less than their employment prospects.

"If we're to force half the population through university, in line with our target - even if most of them are unsuitable," said Education Secretary Charles Clarke, "We simply have to tax their new-found higher earnings to pay for it. This is a victory for students, universities, and most importantly, me and Tony."

The new plans will see graduates facing debts of up to £12,000 as universities will have the option to charge £3,000 a year for courses which were free before Labour came to power. The accumulated charges will be paid back when the graduate starts earning over £15,000. "But it's certainly not a graduate tax." clarified the PM.

"It's clear that uni graduates, like my good self, earn way more than their plebby, dossing non-student counterparts, and it's essential that we erode this difference as far as possible and remove the benefit of a degree, thus making this country fair, in line with Labour ideals."

It had been hoped that Blair would be defeated by those members of his own party who entered politics with a desire to help the people, but the Prime Minister cleverly avoided any representation of the voters by offering a series of last-minute concessions such as debt relief for students from poorer backgrounds. Provided that they stay sufficiently poor to earn under £15,000 a year, presumably.

The PM's glory is expected, or at least hoped, by many to be short-lived, however, and with pre-released copies of the Hutton Inquiry already floating about, it's only a matter of hours before the Opposition parties, if their party-planning has paid off, hire a DJ for a gig on Blair's grave.