The hardest part of Lord Hutton's job was keeping a straight face whilst Blair and Campbell gave evidence

Lord Hutton today published his long-awaited report into the scandal caused by the death of Dr David Kelly. "The report almost entirely clears the government and lays most of the blame at the feet of the BBC," said a spokesman, "So there, losers!"

Lord Hutton’s findings basically stated that, in his opinion, and within the narrow brief in which he was allowed to investigate, the infamous dodgy 'dossier' was not a deliberate attempt to lie to the public, either by Tony Blair, Alistair Campbell, or any of the other gung-ho oilseekers that supported the war in Iraq.

It also concluded that David Kelly had been killed through blood loss after slitting his own wrists, and it wasn't likely that MI5 agents, alien abductors or shotgun-wielding spin doctors had anything to do with it.

However, the BBC, in Hutton's opinion, overstepped the mark when they allowed Andrew Gilligan to report David Kelly's concerns that claims in the dossier were falsified. BBC Chairman Gavyn Davis has resigned as a mark of respect to the findings of the report, and Government Spin-doctor Francis Bargle was kind enough to speak exclusively to a KTAB reporter.

"Woohoo!" he roared, at a meeting earlier today "That's stuffed those investigative bastards, hasn't it, lads? Bloody journalists, taking down the thoughts of those people in the know and bloody revealing it to the public. Well this'll stuff their damn 'pro-information anti-hypocrisy' hypocritical morality right down the spout, won't it! Hahaha! Er, hang on, you're not Tony Blair! Who the Hell are you?!"

Supporters of the Government are understandably overjoyed at the report's findings, whilst supporters of the BBC are more downcast. However, as BBC Spokeswoman Clare Timkins pointed out, even if Blair did not intentionally lie to the public, it's still pretty obvious that he did lie to them, all the same.

"The problem with the dodgy 'dossier' was the claim Saddam's WMD could kill us all in 45 minutes, right?" she reminded a news conference, "But there aren't any WMD in Iraq, so when the dossier said that, it was a lie, wasn't it? Doctor Kelly was correct, the dossier was wrong. Gilligan may have been wrong to report it as he did but, let's face it people, is it worse to give a bad press report, or to drag a country into a war to show an unelected right-wing American nutcase we're his only friends?"

The Inquiry's result comes as a surprise to many, and has resulted in an unexpected quiet night in for all the opposition parties. However, what with the leaking of the report to The Sun last night, the Tories and Lib Dems have found something to complain about; since the Kelly family and Beeb are unlikely to have made the leak, the source might have come from somewhere inside the government.

"It's quite ridiculous that a report into leaking information to the press should be leaked to The Sun," explained Marvin Wilcox, Tory MP for Market Pickton, "I'd've at least leaked it to a decent paper, like The Times or The Independent."

Lord Hutton is currently looking into legal action he might take against whoever it was that perpetrated the leak, although it is suspected he only said that to see if Tony Blair twitched.