On reflection, the Government wish they'd used a smaller microphone

Clare Short, an MP who was sufficiently outraged at the time of the Iraq war to stay in government and not resign until the war finished, has accused the government of bugging UN Secretary General Kofi Annan.

Ms Short had dealings with Annan herself in her position as International Development Secretary at the time when the bugging was taking place. On the BBC's Today programme, said that she recalled thinking "Oh dear, there will be a transcript of this and people will see what I am saying! And now it's going out on national radio!"

Annan has said he would be "very disappointed" if the allegations were true, to which Tony Blair is believed to have made a response reading "Hey, look, that really is pure fantasy, destroy the tapes, I think we should look at the real reasons behind the Iraq war, and that was... Hey! Why are you all asleep?!"

The entire Labour Party - Blairites and rebels alike - has closed ranks against Clare Short, in the wake of the allegations. "It's a disgrace!" MP Marvin Wilcox protested "I mean, sure, we probably did it, but she can't go telling the press! We'll lose the next election!"

Short's future now looks uncertain as David Blunkett, it is revealed, is presently sifting through the facts in a bid to find grounds on which he can pursue a policy of zero-tolerance against Ms. Short, and even Robin Cook has pointed out that "she should now put up, or shut up. Or get me in on the action, because coverage like this could give my ratings a real boost! Pass that onto her, would you?"

In other news, Mr. Blair is believed to have been seen in an Early Learning Centre in Walsall, where he bought his son Leo a 'My Little Bug Remover' set, before driving at top speed towards the airport.