Wednesday, 3rd March, 2004, 15:41 GMT

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Sly Treason

Crown Prosecution Service to be Renamed

The Government's reputation as leaders of pointless reform hangs in the balance

The Home Secretary David Blunkett, MP, today made a surprise announcement to the effect that the Crown Prosecution Service is to be renamed, without consulting any of the royals or the prosecution service.

Palace confidante Roger Bighouse told KTAB News "The Palace are sure the Queen will be consulted in due course…er...are you sure you don't want me to spin you a story about a row between Diana and the corgis? Or I've got a great one lined up about Harry and a girl! That'd be really big, that would!"

Meanwhile Downing Street appears to be amazed that the public is surprised by the move. "We're actually pretty surprised that anyone's surprised," said spokeswoman Clare Timkins, nonsensically, "After all, this was mentioned vaguely in 2003. If you didn't pick up on that because of all that fuss over the war, then that's your own fault, isn't it?"

"The reason we have to change the name," she continued, "Is because people don't realise that the Crown Prosecution Service is a service which prosecutes people under the Laws as set out by the Monarch. You might not think people are that stupid, but dear God, we hope they are, coz otherwise we're going to get stuffed at the next election!"

Blunkett has attempted to reassure the public by explaining that the name change will make it obvious that the Law is on the side of the public, rather than the impartial, neutral party it has traditionally been seen as.

The proposals, however, have found favour with no-one, as Royalists object to the change, and Parliamentarians tend to think that it's a total waste of time to spend half the courts' annual budget getting new headed notepaper.

The move has been equally unpopular in the Commons, where both the Lib Dems and Tories have condemned the move, saying that the act is merely an another transparent attempt by Tony Blair to secure himself a place in the history books.

The Government, however, says it's determined to press ahead with its plans, and believes next November should see the new Tony Blair Memorial Prosecution Service firmly established in the public domain.