Bernard, prematurely brought back from his annual Five-Day Paid Holiday Without Mrs. Bernard, stormed into the office, crashed three computers, then produced this rant with fury, determination, and, somewhat implausibly, 1925 Singer Sewing Machine.

I cannnot believe the state this country has allowed itself to fall into! One day, we have a man dressed as Batman jiggling about in a skintight costume on the ledges of Buckingham Palace, the next we have dangerous lunatics rushing into the main chamber of the House of Commons and shouting at an elected member of Her Majesty's Government!

I'm as tolerant as the next man, providing that man isn't KTAB's Sports Editor (Current address c/o HMP Parkhurst), but I can not stand by and be silent when people are breaching security left, right and centre. I appreciate that Batman was not a terrorist, and did no actual harm. I know that the five members of the pro-hunting group who stormed the Commons debate on the ban on foxhunting did not actually have guns, knives or bombs about their person. But that is not the point!The point is that Batman could have turned out to be more than a lonely father; he could have been an insane criminal, bent upon killing the Queen, Prince Charles and the rest of the heirs to the throne, simply so he could see Prince Edward become King. Such a thing would have been an unprecedented disaster for this country, worse than the Brighton bomb, worse than the IRA bombing of Manchester and worse than the decision to let the American colonies wander off alone because "it's not like they can do any damage".

The hooligans in the Commons, who somehow broke in from the Countryside Alliance rally in Parliament Square are just as bad, if not worse. Peaceful protest is all very well - unless you happen to be married to Mrs. Bernard, in which case it's an offence that loses you three days supper and both pillows - but hurling bottles and fireworks and smokebombs at police is a step too far. Shouting at an elected Minister of the British Crown just because you like hunting with dogs, or don't, or whatever the Hell else you think, is unnacceptable. They should've been shot, frankly, and had done with 'em.

When the massed ranks of the British People marched through every major city in the country to register their opposition to the war in Iraq, did any of them rush into the Commons making fools of themselves?! No, they bloody didn't! And a damn good thing too! Not like these imbecillic fanatics! I don't give a damn what they do and do not support, the Government is the Government is the Government, and the time to argue with the Government is either peacefully like the anti-war band, or in the ballot box like everyone else.

The time to argue with the courts, if I can be utterly frank is not, under any circumstances, the same time as the time you choose to go galivanting about in a set of poncy lycra underthings on a ledge from which you refuse to get down, thus triggering another major security breach!

The time to argue with the government, let me be very, very clear is not, under any circumstances, in the middle of a debate in the House of Commons, regardless of how cross you may be that the major political parties disagree with your view on fox hunting, divorce law or International Standard Colouring for crisp packets.

And the time to argue with the courts or the Government is certainly not, under no circumstances at all in the middle of the debate for a ban on fox hunting when I'm in the middle of my holiday touring the Peaks, and a long, stuffy car journey away from my office.

If you ask me, if the government ban anything it should be marriage to Mrs. Bernard.

Love and kisses, except to Mrs. Bernard and those bloody-minded diehard vactation vandals,

Bernard, the Editor.