Local lions are not even a bit scared of the malicious moggy

There has been much alarm generated by sightings of a cat in Llabenoylno, Wales.

Following the recent sightings of what is believed to be a puma in other parts of Wales, armed police have stormed the area, taking strategic positions in the foothills of Snowdonia.

The police were called in after a farmer, tending his EU set-aside land, saw what looked like a cat run along the top of the hill. Having run back to his house to collect his shotgun, the farmer cautiously headed for the spot he last saw the cat, only to discover the corpse of a mouse, whose head had been ripped off!

Zoological expert Dr Francis Bargle spoke exclusively to Passenger, and revealed that “This animal, whatever it is, is roughly the size of a household cat, and is obviously capable of killing at will. My advice to anyone seeing this evil being is to run away. Preferably distract it with a sugar mouse, pat it gently on the head and then run a long, long way away.”

Bargle today gave a press conference outlining his theory on the animal. “It was the size of a small dog, or a normal tabby cat,” he said, “but had obviously somehow mutated, giving it the power to kill field mice, rats and perhaps even small birds.”

Naturally this has caused a wave of panic to spread through the region surrounding Llabenoylno, fuelled further by the fact many families living in this area recently received hamsters, guinea pigs, goldfish or other rodents as Christmas presents for their children.

Housewife Clare Timkins told Passenger of her fears about the discovery; “What would I do if I woke one morning to discover this cat has broken into my house, opened our gerbil cage and murdered Miffy and Tiddlekins?!”

The Government line on the crisis is clear: “Bar your cat-flaps at night,” said a spokesman, “and demand to see the identity card of any ‘Gerbil Inspectors’ arriving at arriving at the door posing as a normal-looking cat called Ratter.”

The search for the ‘Killer Cat of Llabenoylno’ is continuing through the night, with police helicopters and SAS units with night goggles assisting in the search. Meanwhile, the people of the district remain held in their own houses, kept under siege by the felonious feline that stalks their region.