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The solution to the problems caused by mankind dicking about with the climate is to dick about with the climate some more, according to media coverage of a report by the Royal Society. So-called ‘geoengineering’ techniques range from sending a fleet of fire trucks to the Sun, to ignoring the problem and hoping it goes away.
After lunch on a luxury yacht with film producer and anti-piracy bore David Geffen, Peter ‘Lord’ Mandelson has rewritten government policy, suggesting that those who share files on the Internet be cut off from it. ‘Illegal filesharing is costing the creative industries literally tens of pounds a day,’ Lord Mandelson explained, ‘Whereas posturing about cleaning it up is making me a packet.’
In a unique foray into public health, KTAB News has created a brochure about the imminent pandemic threat of swine flu for you to download, print out and keep.
Google, everyone’s favourite search engine, webmail, and RSS aggregator, but no-one’s favourite calendar, this week launched its Street View service, amid claims of privacy-pocalypse due to a picture of a bloke having a piss reprinted so many times in the national press that the hysterical journalists proved themselves right.
Eminent academic Susan Greenfield this week decided to abuse her position as media-flirt extraordinaire and pontificate on ills which might result from people using the Internet, forgetting that her rôle as a scientist might require evidence to support her claims.
The national press, UFO experts and other idiots have got themselves terribly worked up about an engineering fault in a wind turbine blade in Lincolnshire last Sunday.
Scientists at CERN have flicked the switch allowing protons around the ring of the Large Hadron Collider for the first time, resulting in the largest concentration of arts-graduate journo-bullshit in human history. And not the end of the World.
All around the world, doomsayers, false prophets, and people who didn’t bother to put that money back in the pension fund because ‘What’s the point of anything?’ have been left baffled today, as the proposed apocalypse failed to happen. To find out why, KTAB sent a reporter out to interview a particle physicist.
To the squealing delight of those present, Steve Jobs—the hugely popular inventor of the cult adverts where two comedians pretended to be computers—has unveiled the successor to Apple’s touch-screen iPhone: the iPhone 3G, which takes its name from its ability to access the 3G, the high-capacity mobile network which was rolled out over Europe in 2003.
The ''KTAB News'' special report on genetically-modified crops, jam-packed with exclusive interviews, facts and statistics (with nice, safe, GMO-free jam, of course).