KTAB News: bringing you the NEWS you NEED to KNOW

Front page Editorial Multimedia World UK Sci & Tech Business Entertainment Politics Sport Subscribe [NEW!!] Syndicate: RSS 2.0
Friday 4 September 2009, 00:38 GMT

Science & technology news archive

blue marble Earth, as seen from Apollo 17 Terror forming
Geoengineering climate solutions ‘of cirrus concern’

The solution to the problems caused by mankind dicking about with the climate is to dick about with the climate some more, according to media coverage of a report by the Royal Society. So-called ‘geoengineering’ techniques range from sending a fleet of fire trucks to the Sun, to ignoring the problem and hoping it goes away.

Looks!!11!! All the musics in the WORLD!!1111!!11!!! LOL piratebay.org File-staring: Peer to peer at peer-to-peer pirates

After lunch on a luxury yacht with film producer and anti-piracy bore David Geffen, Peter ‘Lord’ Mandelson has rewritten government policy, suggesting that those who share files on the Internet be cut off from it. ‘Illegal filesharing is costing the creative industries literally tens of pounds a day,’ Lord Mandelson explained, ‘Whereas posturing about cleaning it up is making me a packet.’

KTAB News swine flu leaflet Moo-ve over BSE: This is one pig of a disease

In a unique foray into public health, KTAB News has created a brochure about the imminent pandemic threat of swine flu for you to download, print out and keep.

a bloke taking a piss Don’t-be-evil eye: Google getting street worries people in da house

Google, everyone’s favourite search engine, webmail, and RSS aggregator, but no-one’s favourite calendar, this week launched its Street View service, amid claims of privacy-pocalypse due to a picture of a bloke having a piss reprinted so many times in the national press that the hysterical journalists proved themselves right.

Susan Greenfield Anti-social networking: Prof loses face in Facebook face-off

Eminent academic Susan Greenfield this week decided to abuse her position as media-flirt extraordinaire and pontificate on ills which might result from people using the Internet, forgetting that her rôle as a scientist might require evidence to support her claims.

wind farm at Caen, Normandy, France Blade hit-and-runner: Aliens ate my turbine

The national press, UFO experts and other idiots have got themselves terribly worked up about an engineering fault in a wind turbine blade in Lincolnshire last Sunday.

ATLAS Turned on: Collider start-up gives nerds large hardon

Scientists at CERN have flicked the switch allowing protons around the ring of the Large Hadron Collider for the first time, resulting in the largest concentration of arts-graduate journo-bullshit in human history. And not the end of the World.

Brian Cox of D:Ream ConCERNs allayed: Quark quacks’ apocalypse claims go up in big bang

All around the world, doomsayers, false prophets, and people who didn’t bother to put that money back in the pension fund because ‘What’s the point of anything?’ have been left baffled today, as the proposed apocalypse failed to happen. To find out why, KTAB sent a reporter out to interview a particle physicist.

Some iPhones (image courtesy of Apple) Apple of my i: iPhone fails to push the right buttons

To the squealing delight of those present, Steve Jobs—the hugely popular inventor of the cult adverts where two comedians pretended to be computers—has unveiled the successor to Apple’s touch-screen iPhone: the iPhone 3G, which takes its name from its ability to access the 3G, the high-capacity mobile network which was rolled out over Europe in 2003.

Bernard, the Editor GM Crops: KTAB News Special Video Report

The ''KTAB News'' special report on genetically-modified crops, jam-packed with exclusive interviews, facts and statistics (with nice, safe, GMO-free jam, of course).


Help KTAB News! Share this story: Twitter del.icio.us Digg reddit Facebook StumbleUpon ; subscribe; follow us on Twitter; become a fan on Facebook

KTAB News: Attempting satire, comedy, spoof, parody and lampoon since 2002
© Andrew Steele, John Trevor-Allen & Tom Fuller 2003–2019